A Tale of loss

I see the days as they go
Impassible in their passable acts
I see and stare at my hands
As the skin cracks into obscurity

A coin that I keep spinning into heads or tails
As I see the gardens wilting under the sight of my tired eyes
My hands on the dirt looking for hope
And the dirt will not come off

I look at the sadness in the bags under your eyes
And I wish there was something I could do
As I continue to punch incessantly

I get lonely from the sight of all these eyes
I wish to scream into all these deaf ears
The feeling that I’m stranded in an island with you
But you are invisible to me under the sun
And I’m the same to you under the moon

And we are ghosts that barely touch
In a house made of stones
And we haunt each other until there’s nothing left
And we keep asking for more

And the years pass by
I stopped counting a few years ago
But yet I stand at the shores with this gift of mine
And you are not there

The water moves so slightly wetting my feet
And the wind flows through the canals of this old city
And all these words I have for you
Are taken by its age
Put under lock and key
Under a passage of yesterday

Let the world spin around and around
Let me step aside so I can breathe

And it’s oh, my love a tale of loss
And my hands aren’t steady enough to hold the flag
And this storm ravages through it all
And it’s oh, my love a tale I want to tell
Without tears in my eyes
Without emptiness in my soul

But this stupid, stupid love forgot how to walk
And I now lay on my knees and hands
As I see the water take it all away
Grain of sand by grain of sand…

And I stand here at this door
Unwilling to knock, looking back
Looking back at the vast world
So empty without you in my days

And I move away from your door
A promise I broke to myself
But there’s an empire I have to save
Even if these steps mean the end

I pass by the gardens, remember every moment
Reflected in each one of the petals
Like pictures in my mind projecting through the light of these watery eyes
They are deformed and inconsistent
They are stained with pain and resistance
I try to keep them, I try to save them
But I’m sorry, love… they slip from my hands
Go down through the pores of the earth
Back to where they never belonged

It’s all gone…
Let me step aside so I may breathe…

It came like a flash and it’s leaving like knifes through my arms
And I dare not move a finger
Too uncertain of a future written with invisible ink
I barely tilt my head towards the west
Where a house within a house lies
A place to exist again
But I’m paralyzed at the thought of leaving myself behind
I’m paralyzed by a stubborn heart that wants to hold tight

I leave… my love, don’t shut the door on me…
I hardly ever knock anymore…
Never got used to the sight of you saying “no”…
I leave… but I’m also here…
In the eyes that once saw me
And the hands that once held me dear
I’m in the thoughts that stray away
I’m in the things left unsaid
You are in my heart, no doubt of that…
You came in and made your home there…
You brought your toys and your trinkets
And hung them on its walls
You left a smile printed on the kitchen
Your memories in a drawer in the bedroom
And your smell impregnated in a sofa
As old as life itself

But I leave to save my own
I leave with the weight of the world…

And I carry you in my heart…
Into an eternity that I shall endure without you by my side
Yet so deep inside…

I step aside so I can breathe…
forever cursed to never forget…
forever blessed to remember...