Cross the door

The hardest decision of my life

Has been that one that you’ve put in my path

That of closing the doors ajar

And leaving you behind…

And leaving you hurts like falling down a flight of stairs

That once led to heaven

And leaving you hurts more than words I cannot say

Words that you are now deaf to…

The years dissolved in our hands

Eight of them…

I wish I instead didn’t have enough fingers

To count them…

But that’s a dream trapped in a snow globe

Thrown down to the pits of hell

And what happened to us love…

In what moment we turned the page?

When did we break so many silent promises?

And invisible bows…

I said once I’d be alright

But as the day draws closer

When I’ll walk out through that door

Fear controls me and leaves me numb

Tears stream down my face

Of something lost I don’t want to lose anymore

Of something broken I want to recover its pieces

Without tearing more wounds in my hands

Of something so loud that I can’t scream over it

A place I’d wish to come back

And I have the directions in my hands

But I forgot how to read…

Every time I think of crossing that door…

I feel like I want to drop to the floor and kick and kick

I feel like I want to hold on to something that’s not there anymore

I feel my breath turns short and I gasp and turn blue

I feel life will forever be blue

Everytime I look at you… I feel there’s a stranger there I don’t know

But suddenly your eyes betray you and I find you again

Just for a second before you once more disappear

Becoming the stranger I cannot reach

This feeling betrays me on the back of my legs

Leaves my hand clutching at straws too short to grasp

Crushes my chest absurdly

Makes me bleed and lament

Where did we turn away?

When did we turn the page?

In which moment we forgot how to love?

At what point we forgot about us?

Can human love be so weak…

That it can turn soulmates

Into strangers in a train

In just a matter of days?

Let the time heal what it has to heal

Let the time drown me in the passing of its days

The needles and the clock that’ll stop the moment I leave

The moment I step out

All doors will be slammed

And windows all shut

And when I find myself in the cold of the street

And the wind slaps my face

I know I’ll regret leaving

But I’ll have already by then

Lost all keys

And if I ever sleep by your door

By the place where I used to belong

Will you hear me knocking?

Will you open the door?

Or will you let my heart freeze

Outside your world?

And I leave with unsure steps

And I leave every two seconds looking back

And I leave without being able to say goodbye

My voice drowned in a stream of sorrow

Always looking at your eyes

To never forget the way they used to shine

On the days I used to be reflected in them

And now they are dim and tired and lost

Forgive me, my love, for I have to leave…

That’s what you said to me…

And I still don’t understand

But I take my leave

Without being able to say goodbye…

This is the hardest decision I’ve made

These are the hardest words I’ve ever had to write

This is the hardest moment of my life

I wish my heart could be just as hard…

And if I never come back

And if I come back and you already left…

I’ll miss you. Eternally.

I’ll love you. Forever.

For there will be no one else like you…